The ability of the Kangaroo-discount golf clubs

The zoo built a special eight-foot-high enclosure for its newly acquired kangaroo, but the next morning the animal was found hopping around outside. The height of the fence was increased to 15 feet, but the kangaroo got out again. Exasperated, the zoo director had the height increased to 30 feet, but the kangaroo still escaped. A giraffe asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll build the fence?"

"I don't know, " said the kangaroo. "Maybe a thousand feet if they keep leaving the gate unlocked.
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/

Only cash and credit cards

When a man called a motel and asked how much they charged for a room, the clerk told him that the rates depend on room size and number of people.

“Do you take children?” the man asked.

“No, sir,” replied the clerk. “Only cash and credit cards.”
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/

Funny jokes-Doggie Funeral

This rich man died and left in his will that when his dog died he was to have a funeral and who ever did the funeral would get a million dollars.

When the dog died--the executor started asking various faiths of the cloth if they would do the funeral. All refused. Finally he asked this old country preacher if he would do the funeral. "Why Brother--I don't do dogs funerals!"

"OK" the executor replied, "But the one who does this funeral gets a fat one million dollars!". The preacher replied "Now wait a Minute --- you didn't tell me this dog was a Christian!"
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/

The great man-funny jokes

The teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?

One sutdent: Of course. He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/

Dog purpose

A Tueday School helper was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The kids began discussing the dog's duties.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.

"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."

A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/

Pig with wooden leg-fonny jokes

Farmer Jim got out of his car and head for his friend's door, noticed a pig with a wooden leg. His curiosity roused, he ask, "David, why that pig get him a wooden leg?"

"Well Jim, that's a mighty special pig! A while back a wild boar attacked me while I was walking in the woods. That pig there came a runnin', went after that boar and chased him away. Saved my life!"

"And the boar tore up his leg?" "No he was fine after that. But a bit later we had that fire. Started in the shed up against the barn. Well, that ole pig started squealin' like he was stuck, woke us up, and 'fore we got out here, the darn thing had herded the other animals out of the barn and saved 'em all!"

"So that's when he hurt his leg, huh, David?" "No, Jim. He was a might winded, though. When my tractor hit a rock and rolled down the hill into the pond I was knocked clean out. When I came to, that pig had dove into the pond and dragged me out 'fore I drownded. Sure did save my life."

"And that was when he hurt his leg?" "Oh no, he was fine. Cleaned him up, too."

"OK, David. So just tell me. How did he get the wooden leg?"

"Well", the farmer tells him, "A pig like that, you don't want to eat all at once."
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/

funny jokes -You will get the same result

One day a boy saw a mouse running across the kitchen floor. He was scared by this mouse to ran out of the house, and went to the shops. He bought a mousetrap at this shop. The shopkeeper said to him, "If you put some cheese on it and you will soon catch that mouse."
With the mousetrap, the boy came back home. But, unfortunately, he could not find any cheese at his home. He did not want to go back to the shop, because it was very late, so he cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap.
Surprisingly, the cheese picture was quite successful! Next morning the boy came to the kitchen finding a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese.
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/

funny jokes-you are lucky

You will not think it is bad day for you after read this funny jokes
　　The average cost of rehabilitate one seal after the Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a sponsored ceremony, three of the most animals which were saved at the cost of at least $90.000 were released into the wild amid cheers and applause from the people. But a minute later, this two expensive animal were eaten by a killer whale.
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/

funny jokes-really smart boy?

David was very proud of his young son. Once he was talking to a visitor how clever his son was.
"My son is only three years old," he said, "and knows all animals. He will to be a great naturalist. Here, let me show you."
David took a book of natural animals from the bookshelf, placed his little baby on his knee, opened the book and showed him a picture of a giraffe.
"What's that, dear?" "
Horsey, “said his son. Next of a tiger was shown, and the little boy said, "Pussy." Then David showed his son a picture of lion, and the boy said, "Doggy." And when a picture of a chimpanzee was shown, the little guy said, "Daddy!"
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/

funny jokes-yeah ,i need get more than a dime

Daughter: Mom, give me a dime.
Mom: Darling, don't you think you're getting too big to be forever begging for dimes?
Daughter: I guess you're right, Mom. Give me a dollar, will you?
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/

funny jokes -I also get an excellence

A mother was reading the school report. It just had been handed to her by her son. Her brow was wrathful when she read it,
"Chinese bad; English, poor; mathematics, fair;" and she gave a glance of disgust at the quaking lad.
"Well, Mom." said the son, "It is not as good as it might be, but I also has an excellent?" And he pointed to the next line and read, "health, excellent."
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/

funny jokes -why i canot go back home

funny jokesMother: Tommy, What are you crying for?
Tommy: My teacher kept me in for something I didn't do.
Mother: Something you didn't do? What was it?
Tommy: M-m-my lessons.
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/

funny jokes-change name is not good

funny jokes:
At the age of 15, David decided to depend on himself and join a theater company. But his father was not agreed with that, "my son on the stage? It's a disgrace!" he said. "What if neighbors find out?"
"I think change my name is a good way," the comic-to-be volunteered. "
Change your name!" His father surprised. "What if you're a success? How will the neighbors know it's my son?"
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/

funny jokes -The difference

Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?

A: The monkey has fleas, but a flea doesn’t have monkeys.
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/

funny jokes-i know the answer

Young Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell me which is the swallow and which is the sparrow?

Student:I know the answer.

Young Teacher: Please tell us.

Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/

funny jokes-planes will stay in the sky

When a 747 was halfway across the Pacific Ocean, the captain got on the speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines for it has met some problem, but pls donot worry for we can certainly reach New York with the three engines we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a result."

Shortly, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "here is another bad news, We just lost the other three engines, but you are to be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in New York three hours late."
At this point, one of the passenger became furious. "For God's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/

funny jokes -No use for my dog

Miss. David: Oh, my dear, I have lost my lovely little dog!

A young lady: But you can send out some advertisements on the papers!

Miss. David: I think It's no use, my little dog can't read.
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/

funny jokes-They follwo the light

David and his wife who has been pregnant for several months live on a farm in a rural area in the south of America.One night, Mikes' wife is begins to deliver the baby. But suddenly the farm met the power failure.
The local doctor is there in attendance. "What d'ya want me to do, Doctor?
" "Hold the lantern, David . Here the baby comes!" the doctor holds it up for the proud father to see.
"Mike, you're the proud father of a fine boy." "Saints be praised, I..." Before Mike can finish the Doctor interrupts, "Wait a minute. Hold the lantern, David" Soon the doctor delivers the next child. "David. Another beautiful daughter. You got twins."
　　"Thanks be to..."
Again the Doctor says, "Hold the lantern, David Hold the lantern!" Soon the Doctor delivers a third child. The doctor holds up the baby for David's inspection.
　　"Doctor," asks Mike, "Do you think it's the light that's attracting them?"
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/

funny jokes-the money come from USA

Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China after her visiting to her son in the States, she went to a city bank for the deposit the US dollars which were given by his son. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. After a long time ,this make the old lady out of patience.
Finally she could not wait any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/

funny jokes-what makes computer scared

Jack, 28, was arrested as a pickpocket at Tampa, N.J., bus station, his 126th arrests in New Jersey and New York City since 1973. Police said I thought the computer would take more than a half-hour to print out Jack’s arrest record.
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/

funny jokes

Aug, 10, 1994
FBI and Florida authorities arrested David, 34, who had been sentenced to five years in prison in 1982 for theft but he had never been jailed after that.
David said he had gone home from the sentencing hearing in Tampa and sat tight, just followed the instruction of my layer and wait for notification to report to prison. However Authorities forgot him for 13 years.
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/

funny jokes

When several ladies got on a car, which all the seats were already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep. The conductor fears he might miss his stop, she nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"
　　　"I was not asleep," the man answered.
　　　"Not asleep? But I noticed you had your eyes closed."
　　　"Yeah. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."