The manager of a large company noticed a new lady one day and told her to come into his office. What's your name? he asked the charming lady. Belly, the new lady replied. The manager scowled, Look... I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only ... janny ... That's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. belly. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name? The new lady sighed, Darling. My name is Belly Darling. Okay Belly, the next thing I want to tell you is .
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Both are arrested-funny jokes
The story following is totally a true story. besides being true, the story is most likely weird, surprising, or funny.
March 1, 1989
David and Jack, both 25, were sentenced to six years in prison for bank robbery. According to his lawyer, David hated his robbery work and had to drink before each job.
For what was to be the pair's last job, he got fall-down drunk and had to be carried by Jack into the bank to pull off the heist. The two were soon captured.
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
March 1, 1989
David and Jack, both 25, were sentenced to six years in prison for bank robbery. According to his lawyer, David hated his robbery work and had to drink before each job.
For what was to be the pair's last job, he got fall-down drunk and had to be carried by Jack into the bank to pull off the heist. The two were soon captured.
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
Head goes to the bar-funny jokes
David is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But David loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion. After 21 years, the son is old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar and tearfully tells the son he is proud of him.
Dad orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swoooop! A torso pops out!
The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant Take another drink! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay.
Swoooop! Two arms pops out. The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant, Take another drink! The bartender ignores the whole affair. By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Swoooop! Two legs pop out.
The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left.... then to the right.... right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly.
The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says, That boy should have quit while he was a head.
Dad orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol. Swoooop! A torso pops out!
The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant Take another drink! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay.
Swoooop! Two arms pops out. The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant, Take another drink! The bartender ignores the whole affair. By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Swoooop! Two legs pop out.
The bar is in chaos. The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left.... then to the right.... right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly.
The bar falls silent. The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says, That boy should have quit while he was a head.
Make your fortune-funny jokes
Make your fortune Tom asked john "How did you make your fortune?" Tom said "I became the partner of a rich man.He had the money and I had the experience." "How did that help?" "Now he has the experience and I get the money."Tom said
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
Make your fortune-funny jokes
Make your fortune Tom asked john "How did you make your fortune?" Tom said "I became the partner of a rich man.He had the money and I had the experience." "How did that help?" "Now he has the experience and I get the money."Tom said
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
Make your fortune-funny jokes
Make your fortune Tom asked john "How did you make your fortune?" Tom said "I became the partner of a rich man.He had the money and I had the experience." "How did that help?" "Now he has the experience and I get the money."Tom said
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
if I was a Manager-funny jokes
One day in David class, David arranged his students to write a composition – if I Am a Manager. Except Jack,all the students began to write. David went to him and asked why he didnot prepare to write. “I am waiting for my secretary,” was the Jack’s answer.
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
first fly-funny jokes
Mr. David had never been up in an phane before and he had read a lot about air accidents, so one day when one of his friends offered to take him for a ride in his own small phane, Mr. David was very worried about accepting. Finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and Mr. David boarded the plane.
His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport. Mr. David had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes.
After a minute or two he opened his eyes again, looked out through the window of the plane, and said to his friend, "Look at those people down there. They look as small as ants, don't they?"
"Those are ants," answered his friend. "We're still on the ground."
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport. Mr. David had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes.
After a minute or two he opened his eyes again, looked out through the window of the plane, and said to his friend, "Look at those people down there. They look as small as ants, don't they?"
"Those are ants," answered his friend. "We're still on the ground."
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
The first and the last time-funny jokes
When David was twenty-one, he purchased a small plane and learned to fly it. He soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds of tricks.
David had a friend. His name was Jack. One day David offered to take Jack up in his plane. Jack thought, "I've travelled in a big plane many times, but I've never been in a small one, so I'll go."
After flying up, and David flew around for one hour and did all kinds of tricks in the air.
When they came down again, Jack was very glad to land safely, and he said to his friend in a shaking voice, "Well, David, thank you very much for those two trips in your plane."
David was very surprised and said, "Two trips?"
"Yeah,it is my first and the last " said Jack
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David had a friend. His name was Jack. One day David offered to take Jack up in his plane. Jack thought, "I've travelled in a big plane many times, but I've never been in a small one, so I'll go."
After flying up, and David flew around for one hour and did all kinds of tricks in the air.
When they came down again, Jack was very glad to land safely, and he said to his friend in a shaking voice, "Well, David, thank you very much for those two trips in your plane."
David was very surprised and said, "Two trips?"
"Yeah,it is my first and the last " said Jack
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
I will do the rest-funny jokes
A guard was about to show the signal to start when he saw an charming lady standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another atrractive lady inside the carriage.
"Come on, miss!" he shouted. "Shut the door, please!"
"Oh, I havenot kissed my sister for goodbye," she called back.
"You just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and I'll see to the rest."
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
"Come on, miss!" he shouted. "Shut the door, please!"
"Oh, I havenot kissed my sister for goodbye," she called back.
"You just shut that door, please," called the guard, "and I'll see to the rest."
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
the airport looks more fascinating-funny jokes
A charming stewardess wore a sparkling gold necklace , a plane model as a drop, looking unique and professional. Noticing that somebody around was looking at her, she asked gracefully: “Is it becautiful?” “Very excellent, but the airport looks more fascinating.” The other party wisecracked
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
It is My Sister's Fingers-funny jokes
Teacher:David, why are you late this morning?
David: Please, I bruised two fingers knocking in a nail at home.
Teacher: I don't see any bandages.
David: Oh, the bandages weren't on my fingers! I told my little sister to hold the nail.
David: Please, I bruised two fingers knocking in a nail at home.
Teacher: I don't see any bandages.
David: Oh, the bandages weren't on my fingers! I told my little sister to hold the nail.
Give up your seat to a lady-funny jokes
Little Jack says "Mom, as I was on the bus with Daddy on the afternoon, daddy told me to give up my seat to a lady."
"You've done the right thing," says Mommy with smile.
"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
"You've done the right thing," says Mommy with smile.
"But Mommy, I was sitting on daddy's lap."
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
Who is the mother-funny jokes
David ,seven-year old run hastily to the police station and told a policeman, "Please come quickly! A man is at my house beating up my mother; My mother is dying!"
The policemen therefore rushed to the place with the child. They indeed saw two women fighting with one another. The policeman said, "Which one is your mother?"
The child answered, "I also do not know who is my mother;that's why they are fighting."
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
The policemen therefore rushed to the place with the child. They indeed saw two women fighting with one another. The policeman said, "Which one is your mother?"
The child answered, "I also do not know who is my mother;that's why they are fighting."
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
another branch-funny jokes
Jack walks past a beggar on the conner of a supermarket where he works. The beggar holds out his one hand and the man drops a coin into his hand. Several days later Jack walks past the beggar again and notices the beggar is holding out his both hands. Jack asks:"Why are you holding out both of your hands?" The beggar replies,"as you see, my business is going so well I decided to open another branch."
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
A Woman Who Fell at My feet-funny jokes
It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in Huston's Grand Central Terminal - When I came near the gate, a charming, young lady sprinted up from behind, lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her, however, she had stand up. Gaining her composure, she winked at me and said, "Do you always have beautiful lady failing at your feet?"
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
I Need More Cheap Product-Funny Jokes
After being away on business, David thought my wife would be happy if i could bring his her a little gift.
“How much is the perfume？”he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a $50.00 bottle.
“It is a little expensive,”said David, so The female worker returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00.
“That’s still quite a bit,”David complained.
Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle.
“What I mean,”said David, “is I’d like to see something really cheap.”
The clerk handed him a mirror.
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
“How much is the perfume？”he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a $50.00 bottle.
“It is a little expensive,”said David, so The female worker returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00.
“That’s still quite a bit,”David complained.
Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle.
“What I mean,”said David, “is I’d like to see something really cheap.”
The clerk handed him a mirror.
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
you standing on my foot-funny jokes
Dentist: Please stop howling. I haven't even touched your tooth yet.
The Patient: I know you didnot even touch my tooth ,but you are standing on my right foot!
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The Patient: I know you didnot even touch my tooth ,but you are standing on my right foot!
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
sandwiches-funny jokes
There is a man and his girlfriend who want to have sex. So they go to the girls house and before entering the girl stops the man and says.
"My little sister sleeps on the bottom bunk of our bunk bed and I do not want her to know what we are doing, so when I say 'baloney' it means push harder, and when I say 'pastrami' it means push slower."
With this the two get onto the top bunk and have sex. First, the girl moans, "baloney,baloney,baloney" then shouts "pastrami,pastrami,pastrami" and then back to "baloney,baloney,baloney"
Finally, the girls sister says "Will you guys quit making sandwiches up there, you`re getting mayonaise all over me!"
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
"My little sister sleeps on the bottom bunk of our bunk bed and I do not want her to know what we are doing, so when I say 'baloney' it means push harder, and when I say 'pastrami' it means push slower."
With this the two get onto the top bunk and have sex. First, the girl moans, "baloney,baloney,baloney" then shouts "pastrami,pastrami,pastrami" and then back to "baloney,baloney,baloney"
Finally, the girls sister says "Will you guys quit making sandwiches up there, you`re getting mayonaise all over me!"
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
The first time-funny jokes
The first time, the second time, the third time
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary.
Their domestic tranquillity had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
Well, it dates back to our honeymoon, explained the lady. We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule. We hadn't gone too far when my husband's mule stumbled.
My husband quietly said 'That's once.' We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more my husband quietly said, 'That's twice.' We hadn't gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled a third time.
My husband promptly removed a revolver from his pocket and shot him.
I started to protest over his treatment of the mule when he looked at me and quietly said 'That's once.'
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary.
Their domestic tranquillity had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
Well, it dates back to our honeymoon, explained the lady. We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule. We hadn't gone too far when my husband's mule stumbled.
My husband quietly said 'That's once.' We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more my husband quietly said, 'That's twice.' We hadn't gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled a third time.
My husband promptly removed a revolver from his pocket and shot him.
I started to protest over his treatment of the mule when he looked at me and quietly said 'That's once.'
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
Monday, June 21, 2010
I am single-funny jokes
Tom got hurt in a traffic accident. A beautiful young nurse asked him to fill forms. After finishing the forms, Tom gave them back."Anything else?" The nurse asked. "Yes,"Tom thinks for a while and said,"I'm a bachelor."
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
I only need to pay-funny jokes
"My family is just like a nation," Mr. David told his co-workes. "My
wife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war,and
the foreign secretary is my daughter."
"It sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And by the way what is your
position?"
"I’m the citizen. All I do is pay."
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
wife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war,and
the foreign secretary is my daughter."
"It sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And by the way what is your
position?"
"I’m the citizen. All I do is pay."
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
I made big decisons-funny jokes
Tom was telling one of his friends David the secret of his pleased married life, "My wife makes all the small decisions," he explained, "and I make all the big ones, so we never interfere in each other's business and never get annoyed with each other. There are no complaints and no arguments."
"That sounds reasonable," answered David sympathetically. "And could tell me what sort of decisions your wife makes?"
"Well," answered Tom, "she decides what jobs I apply for, what sort of house we live in, what furniture we should buy, and things like that."
David was surprised. "Oh?" he said. "And what do you consider important decisions then?"
"Well," answered Tom, "I decide who should be Prime Minister, whether we should increase our help to poor countries, How we should deal with the atom bomb, and things like that."
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
"That sounds reasonable," answered David sympathetically. "And could tell me what sort of decisions your wife makes?"
"Well," answered Tom, "she decides what jobs I apply for, what sort of house we live in, what furniture we should buy, and things like that."
David was surprised. "Oh?" he said. "And what do you consider important decisions then?"
"Well," answered Tom, "I decide who should be Prime Minister, whether we should increase our help to poor countries, How we should deal with the atom bomb, and things like that."
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
Not know her now-funny jokes
Wife: Jack, the man always kisses his wife in the opposite house when he leaves for working in the morning and he return home kisses her again in the evening. Why don't you do that too?
Jack: Well, I don't know her very well yet.
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
Jack: Well, I don't know her very well yet.
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
Who is more polite-funny jokes
Jack,a fat man and David who is quite slim were arguing about who was more polite.
The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. Then the fat man said he was the more courteous because, whenever he stood up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
The skinny man said he was more polite because he always tipped his hat to ladies. Then the fat man said he was the more courteous because, whenever he stood up and offered his seat, two ladies could sit down.
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
two men with tiger-funny jokes
Two men were walking through the forest.suddenly, a tiger appears at the front of them, running towards them.
One of the men takes out a pair of Nikes from his bag and starts to put them on. The other men with a shocked look and exclaims, Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?
His friend replies: I don't have to out run it, I just have to run faster than you.
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
One of the men takes out a pair of Nikes from his bag and starts to put them on. The other men with a shocked look and exclaims, Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?
His friend replies: I don't have to out run it, I just have to run faster than you.
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
Welfare Office-funny jokes
A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid.
The office worker asked her, "How many children do you have?"
"Ten," she replied.
"What are their names?" he asked.
"David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David and David," she answered.
"They're all named David?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?"
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'David,' and they all come running in."
"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"
"I just say, 'David, come eat your dinner'," she answered.
"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked.
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
The office worker asked her, "How many children do you have?"
"Ten," she replied.
"What are their names?" he asked.
"David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David, David and David," she answered.
"They're all named David?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?"
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'David,' and they all come running in."
"And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?"
"I just say, 'David, come eat your dinner'," she answered.
"But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked.
"Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just use their last name!"
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
Big city church-funny jokes
Cowboy Joe was telling his fellow cowboys back on the ranch about his first visit to a big city church.
"When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral," Joe began.
"You mean the parking lot," interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow.
"I walked up the trail to the door," Joe continued.
"The sidewalk to the door," Charlie corrected him.
"Inside the door, I was met by this dude," Joe went on.
"That would be the usher," Charlie explained.
"Well, the usher led me down the chute," Joe said.
"You mean the aisle," Charlie said.
"Then, he led me to a stall and told me to sit there," Joe continued.
"Pew," Charlie retorted.
"Yeah," recalled Joe. "That's what that pretty lady said when I sat down beside her."
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
"When I got there, they had me park my old truck in the corral," Joe began.
"You mean the parking lot," interrupted Charlie, a more worldly fellow.
"I walked up the trail to the door," Joe continued.
"The sidewalk to the door," Charlie corrected him.
"Inside the door, I was met by this dude," Joe went on.
"That would be the usher," Charlie explained.
"Well, the usher led me down the chute," Joe said.
"You mean the aisle," Charlie said.
"Then, he led me to a stall and told me to sit there," Joe continued.
"Pew," Charlie retorted.
"Yeah," recalled Joe. "That's what that pretty lady said when I sat down beside her."
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
Is he dead-funny jokes
A couple of rednecks are out in the woods hunting when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "Bubba is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "OK, now what?"
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The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "Bubba is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "OK, now what?"
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
Ma's gonna be mad-funny jokes
Henry's dad was a farmer in a poor district of the country.
One day his Uncle Festus came to visit. Since there were limited accommodations, they were required to sleep together.
When Uncle Festus came into the bedroom, he saw Henry kneeling at the side of the bed with his head bowed.
Thinking this was the child's religious upbringing, he decided to present a good example and kneeled at the other side of the bed with his head bowed.
Henry looked up and said, "Whatcha doin'?"
"Why, the same thing you're doing," replied Uncle Festus.
"Ma's gonna be mad," said Henry, "the pot's on this side."
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
One day his Uncle Festus came to visit. Since there were limited accommodations, they were required to sleep together.
When Uncle Festus came into the bedroom, he saw Henry kneeling at the side of the bed with his head bowed.
Thinking this was the child's religious upbringing, he decided to present a good example and kneeled at the other side of the bed with his head bowed.
Henry looked up and said, "Whatcha doin'?"
"Why, the same thing you're doing," replied Uncle Festus.
"Ma's gonna be mad," said Henry, "the pot's on this side."
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
English class-funny jokes
Little Bubba was in English class when the teacher asked him to use the word "European" in a sentence.
After thinking quite some time, Little Bubba responded, "After recess, I went to the boy's room and told Little Billy Bob, 'Watch what yer doin, yore a peein' on my new boots.'"
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
After thinking quite some time, Little Bubba responded, "After recess, I went to the boy's room and told Little Billy Bob, 'Watch what yer doin, yore a peein' on my new boots.'"
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
Dark-funny jokes
Two Rednecks were sitting at the rural area bar, lamenting their lack of a sex life.
One looks out the window, and across the road is a sheep stuck half way through a fence, with its butt facing the tavern.
One drunk says, "I sure wish that sheep was Marilyn Monroe."
The other says, "I just wish it were dark."
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
One looks out the window, and across the road is a sheep stuck half way through a fence, with its butt facing the tavern.
One drunk says, "I sure wish that sheep was Marilyn Monroe."
The other says, "I just wish it were dark."
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
Baby light-funny jokes
In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.
To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing."
Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.
"Whoa there Scotty!" said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down... I think there's yet another wee one to come."
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another little baby.
"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man... It seems there's yet another one besides!" cried the doctor.
The new father scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "Do ya think it's the light that's attractin' them?"
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing."
Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.
"Whoa there Scotty!" said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down... I think there's yet another wee one to come."
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another little baby.
"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man... It seems there's yet another one besides!" cried the doctor.
The new father scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "Do ya think it's the light that's attractin' them?"
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Saturday, June 19, 2010
It is hard to deal with my wife-funny jokes
"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend.
"She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
"She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
The sunset i havenot seen before-funny jokes
ather: This is the sunset my daughter painted. She studied painting abroad, you know.
Friend: Ah, that accounts for it! I never saw a sunset like that in this country.
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Friend: Ah, that accounts for it! I never saw a sunset like that in this country.
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
What is traitor-funny jokes
Young hopeful:"Father, what is a traitor in politics?"
Father (a veteran politician):"A traitor is a man who leaves our party and goes over to the other one."
Young hopeful:"Well then, what is a man who leaves his party and comes over to yours?"
Father:"A convert, my son."
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Father (a veteran politician):"A traitor is a man who leaves our party and goes over to the other one."
Young hopeful:"Well then, what is a man who leaves his party and comes over to yours?"
Father:"A convert, my son."
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
What is wrong with the horse-funny jokes
After his beloved horse died, a man wanted to place an ad in the newspaper like this: Horse saddle and bridle for $50.
Inadvertently the paper added a comma to the ad, which read instead: Horse, saddle and bridle for $50.
Immediately someone responded to the ad, That's an awfully cheap price for a horse, said the caller, What's wrong with your horse?
Well, he is dead, replied the man who placed the erroneously typed ad.
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
Inadvertently the paper added a comma to the ad, which read instead: Horse, saddle and bridle for $50.
Immediately someone responded to the ad, That's an awfully cheap price for a horse, said the caller, What's wrong with your horse?
Well, he is dead, replied the man who placed the erroneously typed ad.
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
A new worker-funny jokes
Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel director's office.
What is the meaning of this? the director asked. When you applied for the job, you told us you had five years' experience. Now we discover this is the first job you ever held.
Well, the young man said, in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination.
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What is the meaning of this? the director asked. When you applied for the job, you told us you had five years' experience. Now we discover this is the first job you ever held.
Well, the young man said, in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination.
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
Man-funny jokes
The ruler of an ancient kingdom wanted to disprove the statement that the men of his domain were ruled by their wives. He had all the males in his kingdom brought before him and warned that any man who did not tell the truth would be punished severely
Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel to step to the left side of the hall. All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right.
It's good to see, said the king, that we have one real man in the kingdom. Tell these chickenhearted dunces why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.
Your Majesty, came the reply in a squealing voice, it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds.
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Then he asked all the men who obeyed their wives' directions and counsel to step to the left side of the hall. All the men did so but one little man who moved to the right.
It's good to see, said the king, that we have one real man in the kingdom. Tell these chickenhearted dunces why you alone among them stand on the right side of the hall.
Your Majesty, came the reply in a squealing voice, it is because before I left home my wife told me to keep out of crowds.
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
Friday, June 18, 2010
The Benifit of Noise-funny jokes
Wherever I drove my old car over 55 miles per hour ,it vibrated terribly, so I decided to sell it. My first customer wanted to buy the car, and I battled with my conscience over whether or not to tell him of the vehicle's problem. Finally I did the right thing. Expecting him to drop the deal, I was surprised by his reply.
That's okay, he said. I'm buying this car for my daughter. If she complains about a vibration, I'll know she's driving too fast.
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That's okay, he said. I'm buying this car for my daughter. If she complains about a vibration, I'll know she's driving too fast.
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
A Short Holiday-funny jokes
Alan worked in an office in the city. He worked very hard and really looked forward to his holidays.
He usually went to the seaside, but one year he saw an ad in a newspaper Enjoy country life. Spend a few weeks at Willow Farm. Good food, fresh air, horse riding, walking, fishing. Reasonable prices .
This sounds like a good idea. he thought, I' 11 spend a month at Willow Farm. I'll enjoy horse riding, walking and fishing. They'll make a change from sitting by the seaside.
Four days later he returned home.
What' s wrong with Willow Farm ? his friend asked him. Didn't you enjoy country life ?
Country life was fine, Alan said. But there was another problem.
Oh, what?
Well, the first day I was there a sheep died, and we had roast lamb for dinner.
fresh meat is the best.I know, but on the second day a cow died, and we had roast beef for dinner.
Lucky you!
You don't understand, Alan said. On the third day a pig died and we had roast pork for dinner.
A different roast every day. Jack exclaimed.
Let me finish, Alan said. On the fourth day the farmer died and I didn't dare stay for dinner!
He usually went to the seaside, but one year he saw an ad in a newspaper Enjoy country life. Spend a few weeks at Willow Farm. Good food, fresh air, horse riding, walking, fishing. Reasonable prices .
This sounds like a good idea. he thought, I' 11 spend a month at Willow Farm. I'll enjoy horse riding, walking and fishing. They'll make a change from sitting by the seaside.
Four days later he returned home.
What' s wrong with Willow Farm ? his friend asked him. Didn't you enjoy country life ?
Country life was fine, Alan said. But there was another problem.
Oh, what?
Well, the first day I was there a sheep died, and we had roast lamb for dinner.
fresh meat is the best.I know, but on the second day a cow died, and we had roast beef for dinner.
Lucky you!
You don't understand, Alan said. On the third day a pig died and we had roast pork for dinner.
A different roast every day. Jack exclaimed.
Let me finish, Alan said. On the fourth day the farmer died and I didn't dare stay for dinner!
The Beat Salesman-funny jokes
Harry saw an ad in a window. It said: Wanted. The Best Sales- man in the World. Top Pay.
I' m a great salesman. Harry told himself. I can sell anything. I'll go in and ask for that job.
He went into the building and spoke to the manager.
I'm the best salesman in the world, he said. Give me the job.
You must prove you're the best, the manager said.
I'll pass every test you give me. Harry told him.
Good.
The manager took a box of candy out of his desk .
Last week, I bought a thousand boxes of this candy. If you can sell them all before the end of the week, you can have the job.
That's easy, Harry said.
He took the box of candy and left the office.
Every day and all day, he went from shop to shop, trying to sell boxes of the candy .
He couldn't sell one.
The candy was so bad he couldn't even give it away.
At the end of the week he went back to the manager.
I'm sorry, sir, he said, I was wrong about myself . I'm not the best salesman in the world, but I know who is.
Oh, said the manager. Who?
The person who sold you a thousand boxes of this candy, Harry said.
I' m a great salesman. Harry told himself. I can sell anything. I'll go in and ask for that job.
He went into the building and spoke to the manager.
I'm the best salesman in the world, he said. Give me the job.
You must prove you're the best, the manager said.
I'll pass every test you give me. Harry told him.
Good.
The manager took a box of candy out of his desk .
Last week, I bought a thousand boxes of this candy. If you can sell them all before the end of the week, you can have the job.
That's easy, Harry said.
He took the box of candy and left the office.
Every day and all day, he went from shop to shop, trying to sell boxes of the candy .
He couldn't sell one.
The candy was so bad he couldn't even give it away.
At the end of the week he went back to the manager.
I'm sorry, sir, he said, I was wrong about myself . I'm not the best salesman in the world, but I know who is.
Oh, said the manager. Who?
The person who sold you a thousand boxes of this candy, Harry said.
A Man Saying No-funnyjokes
A friend of mine noticed a man staggering about in the Times Square subway station. A well-dressed Wall Street type, his coat was unbuttoned, a briefcase dangled from his hand and he'd obviously had one too many.
Asked if he was all right, the man gave a slurred but affirmative response. However, my friend simply could not see someone brave the rough maw of a New York subway without trying to help. He followed the chap, and again asked, Are you sure you're all right? What subway are you looking for? Do you need help getting home?
At last, the object of his attentions snarled, in a low voice, Leave me alone! I'm an undercover cop!
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
Asked if he was all right, the man gave a slurred but affirmative response. However, my friend simply could not see someone brave the rough maw of a New York subway without trying to help. He followed the chap, and again asked, Are you sure you're all right? What subway are you looking for? Do you need help getting home?
At last, the object of his attentions snarled, in a low voice, Leave me alone! I'm an undercover cop!
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
The Young Man Kiss-funnyjokes
My infant daughter began crying as I drove home from the store, and since she was harnessed to her safety seat in the back, I couldn't console her. When we stopa red light, I turned around and waved my hands, distract her by calling her name. I gave her my biggest smile and blew her a kiss. The sound of a horn from the car behind us prompted me to look up. The young man at the wheel was smiling broadly .He waved and then blew me a kiss.
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
Thursday, June 17, 2010
I CAN GO HOME-funny jokes
One day after school the teacher said to his students, Tomorrow morning, if any one of you can answer my first question, I will permit him or her to go home
earlier. The next day, when the teacher came into the classroom, he found the blackboard daubed. He was very angry and asked, Who did it? Please stand up! It's me, said Bob, Now, I can go home. Good-bye, Sir.
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earlier. The next day, when the teacher came into the classroom, he found the blackboard daubed. He was very angry and asked, Who did it? Please stand up! It's me, said Bob, Now, I can go home. Good-bye, Sir.
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
No Fresh Thing-funny jokes
A history teacher and his wife were sitting at a table, the wife asked Anything new at work, and he replied, no, I am teaching History.
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More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
ONLY A FEW WORDS-funny jokes
At a court the judge is interrogating a mugger but gets into difficulty because the mugger is a foreigner who doesn't speak English. Don't you speak English at all? the judge asks. Only a few words, replies the mugger.
What words do you know?
Your purse or your life!
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What words do you know?
Your purse or your life!
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
Reasonable excuse -funny jokes
On his deathbed poor Lubin lies；
His spouse is in despair；
With frequent sobs and mutual cries；
They both express their care．
A different cause，says Parson Sly，
The same effect may give：
Poor Lubin fears that he may die ；
His wife，that he may live．
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His spouse is in despair；
With frequent sobs and mutual cries；
They both express their care．
A different cause，says Parson Sly，
The same effect may give：
Poor Lubin fears that he may die ；
His wife，that he may live．
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
Two Men-funny jokes
A party of visitors were being shown round a lunatic asylum．They came across one individual in the grounds，with wild eyes，dishevelled hair，feverishly endeavouring to catchflies and keep them in his pocket．
His was a sad case，said the attendant．Whilst he was at the war his wife abandoned his home and ran off with another man．
Terrible，said a visitor．
Presently they came to a padded cell，in which could be heard a raging as of a wild beast．
That's the other man，said the attendant.
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His was a sad case，said the attendant．Whilst he was at the war his wife abandoned his home and ran off with another man．
Terrible，said a visitor．
Presently they came to a padded cell，in which could be heard a raging as of a wild beast．
That's the other man，said the attendant.
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
Friday, June 11, 2010
Never Mind-funney jokes
A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, even the brake pedal!" he cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time "Never mind," the drunk said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake."
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time "Never mind," the drunk said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake."
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
I know I could count on you-funny jokes
mith goes to see his boss in the front office. "Boss," he says: "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage."
"We're short-handed, Smith." the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."
"Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I know I could count on you!"
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"We're short-handed, Smith." the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."
"Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I know I could count on you!"
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
who is stupid-funny jokes
A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
Little Jack then stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, jack?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
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Little Jack then stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, jack?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
Long Life secret-funny jokes
A woman walks up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.
I couldn't help noticing how happy you look, she says. What's your secret for a long, happy life?
I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never, ever exercise.
Wow, that's amazing, says the woman. How old are you?
Twenty-six.
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I couldn't help noticing how happy you look, she says. What's your secret for a long, happy life?
I smoke three packs a day, drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never, ever exercise.
Wow, that's amazing, says the woman. How old are you?
Twenty-six.
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
I know who god is-funny jokes
A boy says to her mother, Mom, is God a man or woman?
The woman thinks a while and says, Well, son, God is both man and woman.
The son is totally confused, so he asks, Is God black or white?
The mother replies, God is both black and white, honey.
The son, still curious, says after a while, Is God gay or straight, mom?
The mother, getting a little worried, answers, Son, God is both gay and
straight.
The son thinks about it, and his face lights up when he thinks he finally has
answered his question: Is God Michael Jackson?
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The woman thinks a while and says, Well, son, God is both man and woman.
The son is totally confused, so he asks, Is God black or white?
The mother replies, God is both black and white, honey.
The son, still curious, says after a while, Is God gay or straight, mom?
The mother, getting a little worried, answers, Son, God is both gay and
straight.
The son thinks about it, and his face lights up when he thinks he finally has
answered his question: Is God Michael Jackson?
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
Saturday, June 5, 2010
A good Housewife-funny jokes
A smart housewife was told that there was a kind of stove which would only consume half of the coal she was burning. She was very excited, and said: "That'll be terrific! Since one stove can save half of the coal, if I buy two, no coal will be needed!"
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More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
Only cash-funny jokes
When a man called a motel and asked how much they charged for
a room, the clerk told him that the rates depend on room size and number of people.
" Do you take children?" the man asked.
"No, sir," replied the clerk. "Only cash and credit cards."
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a room, the clerk told him that the rates depend on room size and number of people.
" Do you take children?" the man asked.
"No, sir," replied the clerk. "Only cash and credit cards."
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
It is should like this-funnyjokes
THE SCHOOL HEALTH FORMS had been distributed to the students with an error---the word "Sex" had been spelled with an "o". One mother, filling out the form for her son, wrote in the blank next to "Sox": "Usually brown."
Dating-funnyjokes
When the young waitress in the café in Tom's building started waving hello everyday. Tom was flattered, for she was at least 15 years younger than he. One day she waved and beckoned to Tom again. When Tom strolled over, she asked, "Are you single?"
"Why, yes," Tom replied, smiling at her broadly.
"So is my mom," she said. "Would you like to meet her?"
"Why, yes," Tom replied, smiling at her broadly.
"So is my mom," she said. "Would you like to meet her?"
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Never Mind-funney jokes
A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, even the brake pedal!" he cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time "Never mind," the drunk said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake."
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time "Never mind," the drunk said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake."
More funny jokes ,you can visit http://funnyjokes-jack.blogspot.com/
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